what if

Its alright
There comes a time
Got no patience to search
For peace of mind
Layin low
Want to take it slow
No more hiding or
Disguising truths Ive sold

Everyday its something
Hits me all so cold
Find me sittin by myself
No excuses, then I know

Its okay
Had a bad day
Hands are bruised from
Breaking rocks all day
Drained and blue
I bleed for you
You think its funny, well
Youre drowning in it too

Everyday its something
Hits me all so cold
Find me sittin by myself
No excuses, then I know

Yeah, its fine
Well walk down the line
Leave our rain, a cold
Trade for warm sunshine
You my friend
I will defend
And if we change, well i
Love you anyway

Everyday its something
Hits me all so cold
Find me sittin by myself
No excuses, then I know
...
I went to the office one day humming this alice in chains song, the lyrics haunting, and I wish not to be singing it, but it did not stop as if it had its own omnipotent FM station that won't just leave me alone. I recently had a chat with John... met him online via Yahoo's chat rooms. about 2 years ago... and a few days back, he told me he's a terminal case, until June to be exact... he had an accident, his spinal column damaged when he got hit by a car... the elderly couple driving killed, "I should have been the one killed," he said... and you know he meant it.

what's it with John? I have another online friend John, and there's just something with Johns that I find ... well, they are probably the most harmless males I've met in my life... the kind which you know is rare and valuable. sincere. there...

i've lost a grandma who brought me up, lost an uncle who gave me a second lease in life, and they are the closest people I've cared about whom I've lost... and so, I told John I never really considered the dead ones I love dead. Because I recall them alive, and I dream of them and feel their presence. And I suck when it comes to talking about death... and I told him there are a lot of miracles happening daily, and I said, probably, it is not such a miracle to ask for the delay of his date...